May 16, 2008

“Well, everything I’m seeing suggests a pretty solid diagnosis of ADHD”

whoa...  I mean, kind of whoa?  it’s not really a surprise; let’s be honest, I’m here because I suspected something like this.  

but an official diagnosis from a trained Psychologist really makes it real.  how do I feel about this diagnosis?  how SHOULD I feel?  look at mom....what is she thinking?  look at dad.... nevermind; he doesn’t actually have emotions.  ok, maybe he does, and he just doesn’t show them on his face. speaking of his face... he hasn’t shaved in days.  how nice for mom....

wait, he said I actually do have adhd, right?  oh, he’s still talking...

“...because your high IQ and your strong support system at home actually managed to hide the more obvious warning signs for and ADHD diagnosis.  That’s why it was never diagnosed when you were a child.”

sweet.  so had I just been dumber, I wouldn’t be sitting in this chair right now.  I’d be at home, hopped up on adderall, writing a symphony while simultaneously framing my 8th consecutive report card of straight A’s.  

no wait.  it’s my parents’ fault.  if they had just let me fail 3rd grade algebra or whatever, my teachers would’ve noticed my struggles and gotten me tested much earlier.  

...you can’t fail 3rd grade algebra.  you cant TAKE 3rd grade algebra.  you dont even get real grades in 3rd grade.  

“...make you feel, Colin?”
“Oh, I don’t really know right now.” ok, that’s a lie. “I mean, it’s just kind of a shock,” lie “and my mind is really kind of blank right now,”  huge lie.  “and I think I just need time to process everything”  seriously stop lying. you’ve processed it 3 times already.  
“Well, that’s completely understandable.  Just remember, this isn’t some new problem that just came into your life.  This is the beginning of the solution.”

May 16, 2008.  A small few of you might recognize that as my 20th birthday.  But let’s be honest:  Facebook has trained us not to remember any of our friends’ birthdays by remembering them all for us.  Thanks, Facebook.  No, seriously.  There’s no chance I would remember anybody’s birthday without it.  Anyway, while 5/16/08 was officially my 20th birthday, I will always remember it as D-Day.  You know, Diagnosis Day.

Diagnosis Day came on the heels of a sophomore year at Wheaton College which could only be described as abject failure (we’ll discuss that in a future post), and came as a part of a two-week mad scramble to keep my pathetic rear end in school (future post), during which, I probably accomplished more than I had in the entire previous school year.

In the months following D-Day, I read double digit numbers of books concerning ADHD; what it means, why it happens, how to accommodate for it, etc... I got frustrated, however, reading a bunch of books about ADHD by smart guys who don’t have ADHD.  It felt like reading a mountain survival guide written by a dude who has never left his home in Nebraska.  There was a void.

This is my feeble attempt to fill that void.

Enough, “persons with ADHD can be prone to addictive behaviors”.  I’m going to actually describe the time I sat at my computer and watched youtube videos of Michael Jordan highlights for three hours.

No more, “those who have ADHD may struggle with task initiation and task completion”.  I’m sitting here, telling you that I planned on starting this blog in May.  It’s August 27th now.  

This is my story.

It will be written in true ADHD style; a post from my college days followed by a story recounting an event in 4th grade followed by an entry from my present life.  Why?  That’s the way the ADHD mind works. We don't follow your silly chronological order. Where's the fun in that? If you can't appreciate spontaneity from time to time, maybe scratch this blog off your "must read" list.

Hopefully, however, by the end of it all, you will have a complete picture of what it’s like to grow up with unidentified ADHD, and how to deal and live with an Adult diagnosis of the disorder. I can only promise that the journey will be entertaining. Seriously. Wait til you find out about the time I missed the Bus for what is potentially the worst reason ever.

This is not something I really ever intended to do. I will be sharing a lot more of myself than I ever have; more than I thought I ever would.

I just figure, if I laugh at myself first, it's not nearly as bad once you all do.